Today i started a blog. My second blog to be exact. My first one was going okay actually i was getting like 60 views maybe more and then I just gave up.
One day i woke up and thought to myself “what the heck are you doing thinking that any cares or reads your blog” so no matter how much i liked it. I stopped because I didn’t and still don’t believe in myself. I see all these people who get 200 likes their post seem like its writen by James Patterson or something like that and then I tell myself more negative things “your posts will never be that good.” So i stopped and never looked back. Well thats a lie I kept getting emails from people uploading a blog probably like 10 times a day so i had to log back in just to unfollow.
The same thing is happening again. Maybe like 5 minutes ago i published my first post on this account and because it didn’t go viral in those 5 minutes all those negative thoughts came rushing back. I went and tried following a bunch of people to see if at least one person would notice me but then i noticed something. Everyone i saw was like freaking miley cyrus. They all had 100 + likes. Okay so maybe no quite miley cyrus but compared to me they might as well been. So here i am again wanted to give up before i’ve even started.
Might i add that i am a 17 year old with no experience at all with writing. Well if you count my short stories I had to write for school. English was always my favourite because i got to write. I was most likely terrible at it but i didn’t give up. Completely. There was times were i thought it wasn’t good enough but dont worry mum always comes to the rescue but thats a story for a different time. I don’t know why I do this to myself but I just do. I guess there’s apart of me that wants to be successful for once because I’ve never felt like I have. Ever. I guess that might come from the fact that my own mum doesn’t think I’m good enough to do my assignments so I want to prove to her that I can do something. Like that’s ever going to happen.
Yes i do like writing but tonight the real reason i started a blog again was I was starting to get down again. I don’t want to go back to the place i was. I needed to distract and let some feelings out. But is that really a good enough reason to continue disapointing myself?