What is love? How do you know if you’re in love? All these questions that no one really knows the answer. If no one knows the answer how are you supposed to know. I’m only young I don’t know a thing about love.
I love the idea of love. You see movies and they have the most heartwarming love stories and everyone wants to experience that. To have a guy outside your window with a boombox. A guy to bring you flowers. To have someone dedicate a song to you and sing it in front of crowd. To have someone sweep you off your feet. To do anything for you but does this kind of stuff really happen in life?
I could write about the idea of love for ages. I want to be in love and I thought I was but how can you be so sure. How do you know that this person is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Is high school too soon to be talking about that? Wouldn’t someone want to experience life before starting to settle down with “the one”?
Ah “the one”. So many people speak about this but is there a such thing as the perfect guy. The one that is perfect for you. And again, how do you know? With love comes with so many unanswered questions. Who is the one? When will you find him? Is he truly the one for you?
I myself have not experienced a good love life with the one boyfriend I have had. Our love story isn’t anything like the movies. We didn’t look into eachothers eyes and fireworks sparked into the sky. We didn’t have the whole love at first sight.But again, is there a such thing as love at first sight.
We met when I was talking to his friend let’s call him Mark. Mark invited me to play xbox once. Yeah, I know romantic. I then became friends with his friends and started to hang out with them. At this point Mark and I had finished. One of the guys there was called Harry (these aren’t the real names but I’d rather keep that a secret.) Harry and I started to get close. We talked nonstop of facebook and then decided to hang out one on one. We had so much in common. A few weeks past and he asked me out. That’s when it went down hill.
I wrote down everything that happened and then deleted it because It was too hard to write down and potentially have people read it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to write about it but that isn’t now. What happened with him was terrible and traumatizing. That’s all I can say. After it happened I eventually broke it off with him and he didn’t take it well. He would constantly message me saying all these things that my mum said was basically harassment. It was hard for me as well. To not talk to him. Whenever I found something funny I instantly wanted to show him so we could laugh together. He was the only person who supported me and was there for me through the hardest of times.
2 months past and I missed him too much. Plus, the ball was coming up and we already agreed to go. At this point he didn’t do anything to make it up to me. No flowers. No boombox. Nothing. I told him this every day that if he wanted me back he needed to do something. Then I told him about the flowers. I had to tell him to do it so does that really count when he finally did bring me some? We then started to hang out more again. Getting close. Then eventually kissing. We have had some good times where we went out. Like on a dolphin cruise for his birthday which I had to plan and then the ball. He did get me this really pretty corsage for the ball but I keep thinking that he only did because I told him. And now we are back to the sexual things which happen too much. I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and confused. Do I really love him? Do I want to stay with him? What if I end it and then the “harassment” starts again. The flowers were the only thing he has done. Since then nothing. I just don’t know what to do.
I’m tired of wondering if he is right for me. I’m tired of doubting if I’m truly in love because if I was I wouldn’t have these doubts. Right? I’m tired of crying, scared to hurt him and myself. So maybe deep down I know the answer but I’m too scared to admit it. What if I do and I make the wrong choice. What if he really is “the one” but i just cant see it. All these what if questions.
I love the idea of love but then a part of me hates it. It’s full of arguments and overwhelming situations. There are good parts to it but it seems like the bad overtake the good. Love is not like the movies.