i’ve been experiencing something weird. Something that I’ve never took notice of until last night. All the other times this has happened I just thought it was nothing but maybe it isn’t. Maybe there is something actually wrong with me. So, what is it? Well first I need to explain some back story, starting last year.
Last year I started experiencing really bad nightmares. So badly that I thought it was real and occasionally would wake up screaming.
The first one was by far the worse. I was sleeping and then all of a sudden it felt like someone was pulling on my leg making m unable to move. I then tried to scream but I couldn’t. It was honestly the most frightening thing ever. The second time I screamed out my brother’s name and other times I would just heavily breathe while still asleep or scream again. Having this happen makes you scared, not knowing when it will happen again.
Then this year I’ve been dreading going to sleep. I would stay up ridiculous times not wanting to sleep. For me this is extremely weird because I’m usually the type of person who loves their sleep. The reason I didn’t think much of this was I just thought I’d rather sleep next to my boyfriend at the time.
Then last night happened. Which was the worse. I was alone as both my siblings weren’t here. It was very dark and 1am. I knew I needed to go to sleep but I didn’t want to. I just didn’t. I then told myself,
“if you sleep now, tomorrow will come quicker,” which I’ve told myself a thousand times before. Usually I want to sleep for as long as possible. What was happening. I then had a panic attack.
I realised that what I was feeling isn’t supposed to happen so I resulted to google search like most people do. I found an article that told me to write down exactly what I was feeling when it’s happening. I wrote that I feel vulnerable because I’m not conscious and anything could happen to me. I feel unsafe and alone. It’s extremely dark so when I hear I noise my instant reaction is to think that something bad is going to happen.
My searching then went deeper. I found that maybe the past nightmares could be another reason why I’m experiencing this and then I found someone explain the exact thing I was feeling. About the fear of not being conscious but they also said the fear of not waking up and I think that as well. So, what am I experiencing? I can’t be certain. I can’t self-diagnose myself but what it might be is a phobia of sleeping. Why else would I be having such bad anxiety before bed?
Should I tell my gp about this? Is there anything she can really do about it? Is there any advice you can give me? How do I get past a phobia of sleeping? Has anyone experienced something similar and wants to share?
Any help would be great. I’m really scared for tonight. I don’t want this happening again. I went to sleep at 3 am last night and woke up at 10am. I am completely dead. My eyes have never hurt this much. I’ve tried having a nap but still nothing.
I really hate this. Someone please help.